Monday, July 30, 2007

D'oh!! A Tribute to Stupidity

Hey- I Don't Feel Like Einstein Everyday

But I Just Can't Help Having the Urge to Smack Them on the Head

Quotes on the Fly
Artificial Intelligence don't stand a chance in hell against Natural Stupidity

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail".

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."

The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said "I brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said - "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating ..."

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Think You're Having a Bad Day???

Next time you think you're having a bad day read this:
1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special
ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.

2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.

3. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slau
ghterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And the capper.......

6. An Iraqi terrorist didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Warning!! Bad Day Ahead....when :
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

You turn on the news and they are showing escape routes out of the city.

Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

You call your answering service and they tell you it's non of your business.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex.

Bad Day - in Pictures


definitely not his best golfing day

Quote of the Day
No one is listening - until you make a mistake

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Yup - It Had to Happen Here - Tribute to TRANSFORMERS!!

Saw the movie for the 1st time last week. Nothing to shout about - left the theater without much thought about it except.......where to go for my 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th viewing.

To start off - autobots...transform and roll out!!

Here's A Commercial from Double A

A Cheap Truck Commercial

Another One....hey I just can't help it

Rejected Transformers That Never Made Optimus' List To Save Earth

Transformers Jokes ???
Honestly I can't find a half decent one, and those few I found are really lame. What does Transformers has to do with a joke..hmmm. Those who say this movie wud be a joke in box
office haul - the JOKE's on you.


Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I'm Back - Did Anyone Miss Me At All? (don't say it ok)

Handpicked Trailer

This is one bad-assed kick-in-the-groin coming-of-age in-the-vein-of-american-pie type of flick

Check Out This Cool Commercial

Now who be da playa...?

Now..the Jokes


10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

And the number 1 thing in law that sounds dirty but isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?

Another One

10. shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with you back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired

And the number 1 thing in golf that sounds dirty but isn't:
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first

Friday, June 8, 2007



Haven't The Foggiest

One night, while tending bar, the bartender notices this hideous looking fella at the far end of the bar with several hot women around him. Finally, the bartender's curiosity gets the best of him, and he walks down to where the ugly man is. The bartender says, "Please don't get offended when I tell you this, but I couldn't help noticing you have several beautiful women hanging all over you, and, forgive me, but you are not exactly the most handsome person I've ever seen. In fact, you're quite ugly. Now, normally, I would think these ladies are attracted to you because of your money, but I can tell by the way you're dressed and the fact that they are buying YOU drinks, it's not the money. Tell me, sir, what is it about you that these women are so crazy about?"The man paused a moment, licked his eyebrows, and said, "I haven't the foggiest idea."

Seeing Eye Dog
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing eye dog one day.They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic.This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog.A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick him in the ass."

Pics Of the Day

hell hath no fury...

Wisdom On-The-Fly
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Today's Menu

Clip of the Day

I know it's a bit long - but it's actually a short documentary
on great commercials....a 9-min of chuckles
Why not?

Movie Lookout

Steve Carrel, Morgan Freeman, the gorgeous Lauren Graham..what's not to like?
...Thou must not miss this movie...

Today's Menu - Welcome My New Friends


Car Names Explained!

AUDI - Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW - Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Bimbette Motor Weapon

Break My Window

BUICK - Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CHEVROLET - Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology

DODGE - Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
Dead or Dying Gas Eater

Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express

FIAT - Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!

FORD - First On Recall Day
First On Race Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R&D

Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
Found On Rubbish Dump

GM - General Maintenance
Great Mistake

GMC- Garage Man's Companion
Got A Mechanic Coming?

HONDA - Had One Never Did Again

HYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive...

MAZDA - Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO - put in new transmission often

PONTIAC - poor old Neanderthal thinks its a Cadillac

SAAB - Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sorry Arsed Auto Builders

TOYOTA - Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners

VW - Virtually Worthless

Pic of the Day

Thanks to the manufacturer, now I know how to wear a hat

Wisdom On the Fly

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research