D'oh!! A Tribute to Stupidity

Hey- I Don't Feel Like Einstein Everyday


But I Just Can't Help Having the Urge to Smack Them on the Head


Quotes on the Fly
Artificial Intelligence don't stand a chance in hell against Natural Stupidity



Duh!#1
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Duhh!#2
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail".

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."

The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said "I brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said - "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating ..."

Think You're Having a Bad Day???

Next time you think you're having a bad day read this:
1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.

2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.

3. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And the capper.......

6. An Iraqi terrorist didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Warning!! Bad Day Ahead....when :
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

You turn on the news and they are showing escape routes out of the city.

Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

You call your answering service and they tell you it's non of your business.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex.

Bad Day - in Pictures

ahhhhhh.......

definitely not his best golfing day

Quote of the Day
No one is listening - until you make a mistake

Yup - It Had to Happen Here - Tribute to TRANSFORMERS!!

Saw the movie for the 1st time last week. Nothing to shout about - left the theater without much thought about it except.......where to go for my 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th viewing.

To start off - autobots...transform and roll out!!

Here's A Commercial from Double A


A Cheap Truck Commercial


Another One....hey I just can't help it


Rejected Transformers That Never Made Optimus' List To Save Earth




Transformers Jokes ???
Honestly I can't find a half decent one, and those few I found are really lame. What does Transformers has to do with a joke..hmmm. Those who say this movie wud be a joke in box
office haul - the JOKE's on you.

There

I'm Back - Did Anyone Miss Me At All? (don't say it ok)

Handpicked Trailer



This is one bad-assed kick-in-the-groin coming-of-age in-the-vein-of-american-pie type of flick

Check Out This Cool Commercial


Now who be da playa...?

Now..the Jokes

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY IN LAW BUT AREN'T:

10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

And the number 1 thing in law that sounds dirty but isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?

Another One
TOP TEN THINGS IN GOLF THAT SOUNDS DIRTY BUT ISN'T
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with you back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired

And the number 1 thing in golf that sounds dirty but isn't:
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first

TODAY'S MENU

Joke#1

Haven't The Foggiest

One night, while tending bar, the bartender notices this hideous looking fella at the far end of the bar with several hot women around him. Finally, the bartender's curiosity gets the best of him, and he walks down to where the ugly man is. The bartender says, "Please don't get offended when I tell you this, but I couldn't help noticing you have several beautiful women hanging all over you, and, forgive me, but you are not exactly the most handsome person I've ever seen. In fact, you're quite ugly. Now, normally, I would think these ladies are attracted to you because of your money, but I can tell by the way you're dressed and the fact that they are buying YOU drinks, it's not the money. Tell me, sir, what is it about you that these women are so crazy about?"The man paused a moment, licked his eyebrows, and said, "I haven't the foggiest idea."

Joke#2
Seeing Eye Dog
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing eye dog one day.They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic.This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog.A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick him in the ass."



Pics Of the Day





hell hath no fury...


Wisdom On-The-Fly
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive

Today's Menu

Clip of the Day

I know it's a bit long - but it's actually a short documentary
on great commercials....a 9-min of chuckles
Why not?


Movie Lookout


Steve Carrel, Morgan Freeman, the gorgeous Lauren Graham..what's not to like?
...Thou must not miss this movie...

Today's Menu - Welcome My New Friends

Jokes

Car Names Explained!

AUDI - Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW - Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Bimbette Motor Weapon
Break My Window

BUICK - Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CHEVROLET - Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology

DODGE - Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
Dead or Dying Gas Eater
Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express

FIAT - Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!

FORD - First On Recall Day
First On Race Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
Found On Rubbish Dump

GM - General Maintenance
Great Mistake

GMC- Garage Man's Companion
Got A Mechanic Coming?

HONDA - Had One Never Did Again

HYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive...

MAZDA - Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO - put in new transmission often

PONTIAC - poor old Neanderthal thinks its a Cadillac

SAAB - Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sorry Arsed Auto Builders

TOYOTA - Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners

VW - Virtually Worthless

Pic of the Day


Thanks to the manufacturer, now I know how to wear a hat

Wisdom On the Fly

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research

Yet Another Post for Today

Scoot..scoot..am trying to catch up here

Jokes
Bumper Stickers for Computer Geeks

Always upgrade to the latest & fastest processor...
You can reboot much faster

Error reading FAT record:
Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

Programmers don't die...
they just GOSUB without RETURN

Computers, like children, are unpredictable...
They'll both catch you in any inconsistency

186,000 mps...
It's not just a good idea -- it's the law

Any technology distinguishable from magic...
Is probably insufficiently advanced

To a Net Surfer, true "Freedom" means...
Never having to log off

f u cn rd ths...
u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng

Computer apathy error:
Don't bother striking any key

You probably need a break from ICQ if...
You put on mood music while talking to certain people

The millennium bug still counts as a serious problem...
But it can't be ranked with the Great Depression or Bill Clinton

Hey guys...
Did ya ever wonder if your on-line sex partner "faked it" ?

Flowcharts ??? Cavemen drew flowcharts...
Look how much good it did them

Call in to work sick tomorrow...
Remember even a bad day modeming beats a good day at work

Always remember...
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

Education is what you get when you read the manual...
Experience is what you get when you don't

And...

This week's computer geek bumper sticker...

My other computer is a Borg



Pic of the Day


awww.......now there's another Hallmark moment


Now to Words of Wisdom
On the other hand, you have different fingers

TODAY'S MENU - Hey I'm back y'all

Been away for a short while. Feels good to be back..now I'm gonna have to make it up. Let's see...

Handpicked Video Clip
Heh..3 commercials in 1 - how's that for a start??





Movie Trailer- Knocked Up
I'm so gonna check this up...I mean OUT

TODAY'S MENU

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections

Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She's a lawyer

Good: The postman's early
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do

Good: You're son is dating someone new
Bad: It's another man
Ugly: He's you're best friend

Good: You're wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago

Pic of The Day
Passed by this sushi restaurant the other day - was thinking to myself - "hey not a bad idea". Then I remembered seeing this.



Word of Wisdom
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you

Jock or Nerd? An In-Depth Revenue Analysis

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per game. With $40 million in endorsements, he made $178,100 a day, working or not. If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head. If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there. If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.

He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage. He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000), it would take him a whole 12 hours. If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second. He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round. Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account(401k), he will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st. If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you 'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year. He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100-metre dash in the Olympics. He'll make about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon. While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600. In his last year, he made more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.

However, if Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 250 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

Game over. Nerd wins.

Amusing Video
Some of you might have seen this - some not. Check this out anyway - it's just hilarious


Movie Clip
Fancy ogling an ogre? Here ya go - 3rd helping

Inaugural Posting - Greetings, My Royal Subjects

TODAY'S MENU

Control Over The Wife
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.' "

Pic of The Day


Word of Wisdom
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.